Uvalde mom pushes through 'nightmare' so others won't know loss of a child in 'Print It Black'

The arrival of a child brings life’s purpose into focus for parents. Keep the baby – perfumed by that intoxicating newborn smell – fed. Shower them with love and cuddles and kisses. Teach them colors and numbers and how to be good. A new purpose also emerges from a child’s unimaginable and untimely death, as Kimberly Mata-Rubio knows all too well.

On the morning of May 24, 2022, Mata-Rubio attended awards ceremonies for two of her five children at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, a small Texas town about 90 minutes west of San Antonio. Mata-Rubio watched as her driven and compassionate 10-year-old daughter, Alexandria “Lexi” Rubio, received a good citizen award and acknowledgment for her place on the school’s honor roll. Then Mata-Rubio headed to the Uvalde Leader-News, where she worked as a newspaper reporter. It’s a decision that in the moment felt like nothing, but still haunts her today.

“I should have taken her home after the awards ceremony,” Mata-Rubio, 35, says. “I always take her home after awards ceremonies, and that blame is on me.”

'Truth vs. Alex Jones':Documentary seeks justice for outrageous claims of Sandy Hook hoax

Just after 11:30 a.m., 18-year-old Salvador Ramos entered the school and began firing an AR-15 style rifle. He murdered Lexi and 18 other students, all just 9 to 11 years old, and two teachers before he was killed by officers at the scene. On Wednesday, the families of the victims settled a lawsuit with the city of Uvalde for $2 million, according to multiple reports. How Mata-Rubio and her colleagues at the paper grappled with the all-encompassing tragedy is the focus of an ABC News documentary, “Print It Black,” streaming on Hulu Friday, the second anniversary of the shooting.

Need a break? Play the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle.

The project derives its name from the newspaper’s blacked-out front page of its May 26, 2022, issue, commemorating the date of the shooting in large, white text. In addition to chronicling the day of the shooting, "Print It Black" depicts the ousting of former Uvalde school district police chief, Pete Arredondo, the political divide amid the small community and Mata-Rubio's advocacy work.

“My greatest responsibility is sharing Lexi's story and ensuring that nobody ever forgets her,” Mata-Rubio tells USA TODAY. “I want to save other moms from experiencing the heartache that I'm experiencing.”

Mata-Rubio describes the last two years as “a nightmare I can't wake up from. I feel like the first year you're still in shock, and there's a lot of numbness. And then Year 2 comes around, and it's been so long since I've heard her voice, since I've seen her, hugged her. The idea that I'll never be able to do those things again is too painful to accept.”

Mata-Rubio doesn’t want her daughter’s memory to be bound to the shooting. She wants Lexi to be associated with change and gun reform. So the formerly shy Mata-Rubio now perseveres over her nervousness about public speaking. She testified at a U.S. House Committee on Oversight and Reform hearing on gun violence in 2022, and again at last year’s House Select Committee on Community Safety hearing for a bill proposing to raise the age for purchasing these types of weapons. She attends rallies and marches and vigils and speaks on panels.

“People are quick to forget, and I know that,” Mata-Rubio says. So she pushes to get Lexi’s story out as much as possible. “This is what happened to her. This is how it could have been prevented. This is why you should join the fight to end gun violence.”

Mata-Rubio hopes to ban assault rifles at the federal level or increase the buying age for these types of weapons in Texas from 18 to 21. Last year, Mata-Rubio ran for mayor of Uvalde and won 33% of the vote, but lost to former Mayor Cody Smith. Mata-Rubio is now considering pursuing a law degree.

“It’s like a part of us died that day,” Mata-Rubio says. “The people that we were just ceased to exist, and here we are now, just trying to find our footing.”

Following her death, Lexi is represented at family events with images. Her dad, Felix Rubio, held a large picture of Lexi in a family photo marking his wife’s college graduation. Mata-Rubio held an image of Lexi in sunflowers while posing next to Kamala Harris in December. “Lexi made it to the vice president’s residence,” she wrote of the moment on Instagram.

“We take Lexi with us always,” Mata-Rubio says. “It's how I get through the really difficult times. Ten years is not enough, and there's so many things she didn't get to see and experience for herself, so I take her with me.”

Mata-Rubio’s four living children are also dedicated to honoring Lexi, Mata-Rubio says. “She's the priority, and it's beautiful to see their love for her.”

It’s a moment between Lexi and Mata-Rubio’s youngest son that the mom cherishes as one of her happiest.

“We took them to practice baseball and softball the last Sunday before (the shooting),” Mata-Rubio says. “The kids were just throwing the ball at each other, playing around. And my youngest son, he tells her, ‘Oh, you throw like a girl.’ And she's like, ‘I don't know what you're talking about. You have noodle arms. You're the one that throws like a girl.’ And just seeing their playful banter, their interaction with each other. I really, really, really love my family, and she deserves so much more. We all deserve so much more.”

Watch 'Crumbley Trials' trailer:New doc explores Michigan school shooter's parents cases